Marriage is about making a commitment to the person that you love that you will stay together for better or worse. However, no matter how much you and your spouse love each other, you might experience issues in your marriage. Marriage isn’t easy. It takes work.

All marriages experience their ups and downs, but when it feels as though you and your partner are making each other unhappy, or are always fighting, it may be time to seek help from an outsider. Marriage counselling is available in all major centres in New Zealand. (If counselling seems too drastic but you know you need help, we suggest checking out Save the Marriage System).

Do You Need Marriage Counselling?

Many couples dismiss the idea of marriage counselling, but many relationships can actually benefit from it. If you are not sure whether or not you need couple’s therapy, consider the following questions:

– Do You and Your Partner Argue about Everything?

Do you feel that you and your partner are always arguing, and you even find yourself arguing about small mundane things? If so, counselling is a good idea.

– Do the Same Issues Keep Arising?

Have you noticed that you and your partner keep arguing about the same issues, and never seem to find a way to resolve them? In this situation, therapy will be able to help you resolve your issues.

– Do You Feel Like Communication is a Struggle?

When you are trying to express yourself to your partner, do you feel that they don’t really listen? Do you feel as though your partner is always interrupting you, or dismissing your feelings? Therapy will be able to help your partner to listen to what you have to say and better understand your feelings. It will improve your communication skills.

– Has Your Partner Been Unfaithful?

Affairs in marriage can be awful for both spouses. If your spouse has cheated on you, and it leave you feeling betrayed, hurt and lacking confidence. If you have cheated on your spouse, it can leave you feeling ashamed, sad and guilty. While infidelity is a big issue, it can be resolved with therapy.

How Does Marriage Counselling Work?

When you first meet with the counsellor, they will ask you to introduce yourself. Then, they will ask you why you have come to see them. They will then ask you both questions about your relationship. The councilor will facilitate a healthy conversation about your issues, in a way that allows both you and your partner can get your issues across in a manner that isn’t angry or resentful. After that, and in further sessions, your therapist will help you both to uncover the reasons why you fight, and your unresolved issues. The therapist will also provide you and your partner with the skills you need to resolve your issues.

How Can Counselling Help My Marriage?

Marriage counselling can help you in many ways, but most importantly, it can help you and your spouse to resolve your issues. Through therapy, you and your partner will learn how to communicate with each other in a much more effective way, and really listen to what each other has to say, without interruption or judgment. Through therapy, you and your partner can either make your marriage stronger, or if you feel you can’t meet each other’s needs, end the relationship, knowing that you tried to make it work.

If you don’t want to try marriage counselling – either due to the cost, or because you just aren’t ready to talk to your spouse yet – we highly recommend Save the Marriage System as an effective guide to help you work out your marriage issues on your own, without the in-person help of counselling.

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